A School Counsellor’s Diary by Loya Agarwala

Author:Loya Agarwala
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Westland
Published: 2014-10-19T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7: ‘I Know it’s Wrong but

I Can’t Help it!’

It may surprise you when I say that not all the problems that come to me in the counselling room end up as success stories. Sometimes, things simply don’t click into place and setbacks hamper a positive outcome. In my early days of counselling, I had the impression that I could solve every problem and whenever I was unable to see a problem through to a fruitful ending, an overpowering sense of failure used to come over me. I remember even seeking counselling myself to overcome my own mental blocks and accept that sometimes I may be unable to facilitate a positive change in the person I am counselling.

Soon I understood that even though my role as facilitator was important, what was equally important -- if not more -- was the effort and determination of the student. As soon as a student comes through my door, we begin a partnership to work together and if one of us fails, we fail. So, for the counselling process to work, there has to be a heartfelt desire for the person to want to change. Without that, counselling will always be a failure. Period. I have sat for many frustrated hours trying to help someone see an alternative perspective in order to come out of a negative situation, only to discover that nothing I had said made any difference to them.

It took me a long time to accept that I am not, and never will be, the ‘eternal saviour’ that I may have once thought I was. I have learnt to accept that teamwork is mandatory in counselling and a single weak link will set us back. There must be conviction and determination to initiate a change on the part of every person involved in the process, not only mine. What makes a person a weak link in the process is simply that they are imprisoned by factors which they find difficult to overcome. Most of these factors come in the form of emotions so overbearing that they cloud their judgment from doing what is best for themselves.

It can be frustrating for a third person to see how strong people become slaves to a situation. They may want to come out of a bad habit or an unhealthy relationship -- they know it’s the right thing to do -- but a deep, almost instinctive, craving for it renders them helpless. They, in effect, become addicted and though it’s not impossible, it demands great conviction to overcome it. It’s the classic battle between the head and the heart but when the need is greater than the will to curb it, the head will always lose because it’s the way the addiction makes them feel that causes them to be at its mercy.

Pushkal, who was only in Class 11, came for a relatively minor problem: girl issues. But his problems took a back seat when a casual comment changed the face of our conversation and

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